hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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