This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
