i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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