stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
