what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
