hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
