3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
