I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
