I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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