I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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