i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
