i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
