guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
