What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
