If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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