Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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