His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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