Dual....:-)
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
