I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
