Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i drank out of a bidet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
