Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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