HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
