I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
