i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
