hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
