My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
