tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
