we have pet lesbian snakes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
