I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
