Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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