hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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