Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
