i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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