It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
