You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
