I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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