you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
