You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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