Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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