Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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