i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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