i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
