one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
