I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
