i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
