my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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