She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
