SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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