I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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