i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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