Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
His nipple licking is glorious
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