Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize