I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
