i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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