his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
