I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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