Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
