Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
