We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
