Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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