I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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