my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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