Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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