You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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