You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
