I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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