Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
