just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
