Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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